The Chardon, Ohio school shooting that occurred this week is one that hurts me deeply - Chardon is a town when I spent a good deal of my youth attending football games, bonfires, and festivals. Proximity chills any scenario and my heart is breaking for home. Yesterday, Wife and I tried to make some sense of it all, to understand how someone who shared a similar childhood could see it so differently.
Me: at least the gunman is alive so they can talk to him/her… on that “him/her” note, could you imagine a school shooting being organized by a girl?
Wife: it was a guy, and no, never. I don’t think a girl would ever do that. Is that something I should feminist-punish myself for?
Is it? Have you ever heard of a school shooting and pictured a girl? This video tackles some of the pressures that young men are facing. I spend a lot of time harping on about girls being forced into a box of submission, being unequal, and we are, but we do have one notable advantage: we are allowed to feel.
Men are pressured by society to be tough, to be rugged, to never cry. I’ve spent my whole life trying to be tough. I was desperate to emulate my brother and my dad, I spent my youth going to car shows, listening to NWA, shooting guns, shoveling manure, talking back, studying graffiti, whatever I could do to prove to someone, anyone, that I was “tough.” It was a claim to fame in high school that I never cried. I felt cool because of it, so I can only imagine how guys felt when they did indeed cry. If it was embarrassing for me, it must have been horrifying for them.
I’ve since learned to cry. I’ve learned to put my heart on the line. I’ve learned to get really, really hurt. But I’m still tough, and I still go to great lengths to prove it. I can walk home alone, I can beat off my attacker, I can check-in to surgery by myself, I can do it. But just for a second, I’m going to be grateful I don’t have to. I’m going to be grateful that I have the option to be tough, not the mandate.
My prayers to the community of Chardon.